[ His immediate instinct is to be biting, to be harsh, and he rounds on Lan Xichen as if he's ready to snap at him, more akin to a wild animal than any real person, but he stops himself. He forced himself to breathe in, and breathe out, to try and smother the natural inclination to argue and defend himself that he was raised with so harshly.

Xichen is so calm, so at peace, that it makes Jiang Cheng want to tear his own hair out. He is doing all he can to be the best of spouses, but in doing so he has become the worst of them. He's well aware that Lan are said to love only once in their lifetime, and he has stolen that from Xichen in their marriage of convenience. He should try, he tells himself, to be sweeter and softer, to be a proper spouse, to be a proper Lan-gongfu.

And yet. ]

Agreement does not mean contentment! I've seen that enough to know better.

[ Bowing his head, he grits his teeth, forcing himself to breathe in and breathe out. ]

I am not the partner you would have chosen. Should I not be sorry about it?