[ When Jiang Cheng finally shows, the burst of relief, of affection in his chest almost floors Wei Wuxian. He didn't know how badly, how desperately, he wanted to see his brother until now. He gives a wane smile to the other man but then the servants are attending to them, laying out a place setting nearby for Wei Wuxian to eat as well. It's only then that his stomach growls and he realizes, he'd been traveling nearly non stop since he got the approval to return home, he hasn't had much in the way of food lately.
So, he'll take his place at the table setting set for him, hand reaching out near automatically for the little jug of wine they place on the table for him. He pours himself a cup and takes a sip, the old but familiar taste of hefeng wine on his tongue so suddenly that he nearly chokes. But he drinks it back, coughs softly and glances towards Jiang Cheng.
It's hard to focus on anything like putting food into his mouth or the sting of hunger that he inevitably feels when all he wants to do is question Wei Wuxian and make demands of him, but he forces himself to. He has to have eaten something, or he'll let his emotions get the better of him, as he so often does.
Eventually, heart in his throat, he lifts his head. ]
[ There are chopsticks in his mouth, a piece of chicken being chewed upon as Jiang Cheng finally breaks the silence and asks him a question. Wei Wuxian makes a hum around the chopsticks before pulling them out, swallowing, and shaking his head. ]
I was in Gusu. [ Of course he was in Gusu. ] The journey here from there is never too arduous. Little Apple has gotten a lot better about actually taking me places too, so it wasn't difficult getting it to make the trip.
[ He pauses, and there's clear intent to continue on his face before he just opts to take another piece of food into his mouth. ]
[ The way that Jiang Cheng scoffs, a quiet sound of Gusu clicking on his tongue, shows how he feels about that particular titbit of information. The notion of Wei Wuxian settling there, of finding his place there, irritates him, even if he had never let his former brother through the gates of Lotus Pier before now. It's that strange discordance inside Jiang Cheng, trying to find some justification for his grief.
He takes another bite of his rice, he stares at his food, and he tries to find words without snapping and being violent or harsh. ]
[ He hears the scoff, the derision at him lingering around Gusu like a stray cat left out in the cold, and for a moment Wei Wuxian doesn't know what to say about that. He didn't know where else to go, Yunmeng wasn't available to him and where else would be? Lanling? Qinghe? No, at least the Lan clan was good to him. If he couldn't afford a night at the inn, Lan Wangji would let him rest in Cloud Recesses instead, always an open door for him.
But was Lotus Pier equally open to him? No, he didn't think so. Yet, now he's starting to wonder if that was his own misconception, if Jiang Cheng wanted him back but did not know how to say. He used to be able to read his brother so well. ]
Thanks.
[ And then he's quiet again, the awkwardness suffocating. God. He wishes it were like before, where he could tease Jiang Cheng, find their harmony with one another. They used to shoot the breeze like nothing, like it was as natural as breathing, and now...? ]
[ Jiang Cheng's loathing for Lan Wangji is paramount and obvious, even now, so many years later. The way that the now Head Cultivator had spoken to him, of him, so often, the derision in his face, as if he had any right to try and judge what had taken place between himself and his brother... It grinds him, makes him furious, makes him want to snap and gnaw and bite like a rapid dog.
There are few people that he would ever let close enough to understand the depth of his feelings on the matter, on what had happened on that cliff edge. The hours he had spent searching for Wei Wuxian's body, the things that he had done, the way he had saved his flute and cared for it in his grief and his ache.
No one can grasp that. He doesn't think it is possible. And now Lan Wangji gets to be happy?
It makes him furious.
Pushing his bowl away, he raises, hesitating for a moment before he heads to the side door. ]
[ It might be something that Wei Wuxian never understands, not really. He used to be so good at reading Jiang Cheng, understanding where he was coming from and why he was doing it. But somewhere along the way their paths diverged and he ended up standing side by side with Lan Wangji instead. A strange thing. So now, Jiang Cheng's loathing of the other man is obvious to Wei Wuxian but the reasons for it are more murky.
He just can't conceptualize the idea that Jiang Cheng might have wanted him in his life more than he gave him credit for. While Wei Wuxian might be an exceptionally confident individual, his self-worth is not that great at all and it means sometimes he misses things. Like this.
But Jiang Cheng is standing up, leaving his meal, and Wei Wuxian looks surprised. He takes another bite of chicken first before getting up and following after Jiang Cheng, chewing, chewing, chewing and then following him through the side door. ]
Ah? Is there something Jiang Cheng wants me to see?
[ Time and choice had destroyed what the two of them shared in their youth.
Jiang Cheng might never have been able to call Wei Wuxian his brother with real words, but they’d known what they were. Yanli had been the thing to bind them together when they couldn’t manage it themselves, and he feels the grief of her loss as sourly now as he did when she had been in his arms. There is so much he could blame Wei Wuxian for (and he does, he does, as bitter as it makes him), but he has his own faults too.
Had he not lost his core, Wei Wuxian would not have cultivated as he had. If he had been stronger, bolder, better, overcame it all and been able to attempt the impossible as the Jiang were meant to, maybe they would’ve survived. To know that it’s his martial brother’s core inside him grieves him more than he can say, because it means they’re bonded in a way more than blood.
If only he could admit why he had been so weak. If only he could admit that it was love that failed him, not his sadness, not his parents. Love for his brother and sister.
Pushing through the rooms, Jiang Cheng doesn’t reply. Instead, he leads them out to the private dock, the small stretch of wood that opens into the lotus pond reserved only for the sect leader. Here, he can lose some of that weight, that tension, and when he breathes out he’s not Jiang Wanyin, master of his Sect. He’s only Jiang Cheng, desperately sad and wishing he had the right words to say.
Tears prickle on his face, and he has to rub his sleeve quickly to hide them. ]
[ Wei Wuxian doesn't get an answer and he's not sure if he should be disappointed or not. Instead, he follows, eyes watching Jiang Cheng and following the ever so familiar route to the private dock. Even after years, things have not changed too drastically in Lotus Pier that he could not remember this.
It means that when they get there, Jiang Cheng is not quick enough for Wei Wuxian's eyes to hide his tears. His attention is so fixed on his brother that he can't bring himself to look away, to miss even a moment. So, when he notices Jiang Cheng rubbing his eyes, he is at a loss for a moment. What should he do? Say? Can he say anything? No, there really is nothing for him to say, nothing to make this right.
So, he does something that he hasn't done in years. He hugs Jiang Cheng. The man has his back to him, is hiding his face, but Wei Wuxian doesn't let that deter him. Instead, Jiang Cheng will find arms going around him, one around his shoulder, the other around his waist as he pulls Jiang Cheng in against him and holds him tight. He rests his chin on his shoulder and there's a soft frown on his lips but he doesn't say anything. What is there to say anyway? There's too much sadness here for words. ]
[ This is not the kind of thing that Jiang Cheng is capable of handling, not particularly well; he was never raised in a way that made himself capable to share what he is thinking or feeling. It comes out harshly, brashly, dangerously, a snap of his tongue before he can stop himself from saying something too cruel or harsh. It has been too long since there had been anyone capable of understanding him - since his sister had died, since his brother had died.
He hates crying like this. He hates weeping, showing his grief, he loathes how it makes him feel, and the sourness overtakes him before he can do anything to stop it.
When arms wrap around him, Jiang Cheng tenses, not sure what to do. When was the last time he was properly embraced? When was the last time he held anyone, hugged anyone? Anyone other than a-Ling? No one gets close enough, no one wanted to try, to hold him, to comfort him, to do anything - and he breathes out, shaking a little as his arms hang stiffly at his side.
How does he even do this? What can he say?
Instead of holding his brother back, he sinks into him, not able to do much more than tumble into his sadness and hope his brother won't let go again. ]
[ He won't let go again. Wei Wuxian typically does not know what to do when people cry, he's uncomfortable with strong negative emotions, doesn't know how to react to them properly and with grace. But even he can make the effort to comfort his brother, when things are so fraught between them, when their lives are so strained.
He doesn't know what to say, but he doubts Jiang Cheng has the words either. But physical touch comes easy to Wei Wuxian and hugging Jiang Cheng feels like the right thing to do, the best thing to do. As Jiang Cheng sinks into him, Wei Wuxian hugs him harder, tighter, presses his lips to his temple in what he hopes is a comforting kiss and just holds him tightly out here on this dock.
They don't need to say anything, they don't need to do anything, but if he can just have this moment with Jiang Cheng, he knows it'll soothe something broken inside of him. ]
[ The dock is quiet, and the only sounds around them are their breathing - Jiang Cheng's harsher from tears and the desperate need to not sob - and the ripple of the water shifting in the wind, the flowers of the pier filling the air with the familiar smell. Jiang Cheng had grown up here, lived here, had his heart die here and forced himself to come back to life in this place. It had been the only home he knew for so long, and now...
Now it feels like something so, so different, but he doesn't know how he could sit down and tell anyone else that. Perhaps it's a reason why no one had ever seen fit to take him for husband, had ever seen fit to accept him as a possible match. He could not speak, could not explain his hurts, his sadness, his pains, and no one would ever know the truth of all the things that he had been through.
There's a kiss, then, to his forehead, to his temple, an echo of something that had happened a thousand times before, and Jiang Cheng thinks, he wonders - why.
When he leans back, face damp with tears, their noses brush, and he is stuck in a long moment. Possessed with something - desire, anger, an intense feeling that feels so intrinsically familiar to him, it's like breathing - he leans in, and their lips brush.
It's a kiss, or an echo of one, and he flinches himself immediately after it, as if someone has punched him in the gut. ]
[ Jiang Cheng kisses him and Wei Wuxian is at a loss for words. His hold doesn't weaken, he doesn't pull back, but he does look softly shocked in response. Because of the act, because of who it came from, because of how right it felt. That aching, needful desire to have his brother back in his arms, to make right what was once lost, to have Jiang Cheng look at him with love once again. Something about the kiss feels like a closer step forward to that than anything else.
So, Jiang Cheng flinches and Wei Wuxian holds him tighter, warmer. He rubs his nose against Jiang Cheng's temple and breathes him in. Before, slowly, he lowers his head and presses his lips to Jiang Cheng's. His eyes fall closed and his sigh is soft into Jiang Cheng's mouth, but he slowly coaxes him into a kiss back, tongue softly running against Jiang Cheng's bottom lip as his eyes fall closed and his heart feels full.
Right here, on the quiet of the dock, with just the two of them and an understanding no one else has, he kisses his brother with all the gentleness of a lover. ]
When he was younger, there might have been some awkward fumbles, before he realised he was destined for an arranged marriage and couldn't indulge in those kinds of things. He had hoped, when his parents had been alive, that there might have been some promise of a love match, of something akin to his sister and her husband (as trying as that situation had been), but since then...
Since then, he had been alone.
His thoughts had never trailed to this situation with Wei Wuxian, to see his brother so intimately, but it feels natural to do it now, to lean into him and kiss him back, to lift his hands and grip at the front of his shirt, to pull him as close as he can get. Jiang Cheng is violent, even in this, despite his inexperience and his newness, wanting to drown himself in the unfamiliar sensation of another mouth against his own, drawing so many feelings from him that he thinks he might faint. ]
[ Wei Wuxian doesn't have much experience, but still more than Jiang Cheng. He can tell that already in the way they kiss, though the kiss is so good, so perfect, that it really doesn't matter. He feels Jiang Cheng turn more in his arms, grab the front of his shirt and pull him in and Wei Wuxian makes a soft noise, pleased.
His kiss is gentle, passionate, and Jiang Cheng's is equally passionate but much more aggressive. He slides his arms around Jiang Cheng's waist, curling fingers into the back of his robes and lets their mouths move together. He can feel the way Jiang Cheng is full of emotion, trembling with it and when they part for breath, he nudges his nose against Jiang Cheng's, voice soft. ]
Slow down.
[ A soft peck, sweet. ]
I'm not going anywhere.
[ And then he's pressing in again, kissing Jiang Cheng with an open mouthed hunger. He takes the lead, licking into Jiang Cheng's mouth and pressing him back, back, back, until his back hits one of the support beams of the dock and Wei Wuxian is able to trap him in against it. His body presses against Jiang Cheng's and his hands grip the banister on either side of Jiang Cheng's body as he kisses and kisses and kisses. ]
[ Slow down, slow down, Wei Wuxian says, as if that is something that has ever been possible for Jiang Cheng. It has felt as if his entire life has been a race, trying to catch up to an impossible goal and prove himself to a world that doesn't really care about him in comparison to another. He only mattered due to a circumstance of birth, and his isolation in his older years has only highlighted that.
The notion of slowing, of calming, of resisting what is being offered now it is being dangled in front of him feels impossible, and he huffs a little noise, annoyed, frustrated.
I'm not going anywhere.
He's heard that before.
It feels more real now that he's anchored at the moment, arm wrapping around his brother to hold him close as he pushes up into the kiss, surges into it, gripping at whatever part of Wei Wuxian he can reach as he makes a soft noise of pleasure, of excitement, the newness and the thrill flooding him and making him melt. ]
[ Of course, Jiang Cheng didn't listen to him but he didn't expect him to either. Jiang Cheng is his own person, constantly pushing against whatever fate has handed to him. He is fiercely independent, though even Wei Wuxian isn't oblivious enough to realize why that is. Jiang Cheng doesn't have anyone — or rather, he hasn't had anyone, not since Wei Wuxian became the Yiling Patriarch and their shijie...
No, he's had to learn to be alone, so is it really surprising in this moment when Wei Wuxian offers him a lifeline, companionship once again, that he takes it with such ferocity? Wei Wuxian wants him to, wants him to grab onto him and never let go because as much as Jiang Cheng feels like there's no one there for him, Wei Wuxian feels equally adrift. He misses having a home, having someone to love him, feeling like he has a foundation in this world.
Jiang Cheng is his foundation.
The kiss turns rougher, more desperate. Wei Wuxian tilts his head, bites into Jiang Cheng's mouth and licks against him, tongues sliding against each other as breath grows heated and choppy. A hand of his moves to slide over Jiang Cheng's side, curling against his hip and dragging him in against him to press their bodies even more flush. He kisses him, deep and deep and deep. A soft moan into his mouth. He's grateful then for the privacy of this dock because the way he wants to kiss his brother is not for the eyes of anyone else. ]
[ If Jiang Cheng were to be truly selfish, he thinks he would never let Wei Wuxian go. He would never let him slip out of his arms and disappear from Yunmeng, would never let him disappear into the night and return to the Cloud Recesses. Greedy, needy, desperate, he would keep this man to himself, hide him away and never let anyone else try to take him from him, the overwhelming desire to keep him nearby and live through long forgotten promises overcoming him.
He had nothing, when all was said and done. He lost his parents, his sister, his sect, his brother, all ripped away after he had survived a war at such a young age. Having Wei Wuxian come back into his life had been a brutal relief and a stab in the gut at the same time, seeing again that he would pick someone else over his home, his family, his brother. The Wens, the Lans, anyone but Jiang Cheng, anyone but the family that had loved him.
(Just because he understands it doesn't mean it doesn't make him sick).
Their bodies are flush, pressed together, and he has never been so close to another man. It doesn't frighten or alarm him in the way that it might otherwise, knowing who it is that's kissing him, and Jiang Cheng kisses him back all the harder from the nudge of their chests, the power in his body given to him by Wei Wuxian himself, a core that keeps his hopes and dreams alive.
He feels pathetic with it, the way he makes soft noises, the desperation, the utter desire that pools inside him and makes him weak. ]
[ It's hard, really. He knows Jiang Cheng understands why he made the choices he did, but he also knows the choices he made hurt Jiang Cheng regardless. Made him feel undervalued, unloved, alone, and that's not what Wei Wuxian ever wants Jiang Cheng to feel. But he couldn't make any other choices in his mind — he had to save the Wens, he had to partner with Lan Wangji. He didn't have another option.
But now, his life is his own again and he's able to make his own choices, to decide where he goes next. And where he wants to go next is... nowhere. He wants to stay right here, in Lotus Pier, with his brother. He doesn't want to leave him anymore.
Wei Wuxian breathes out heavily against Jiang Cheng, parting their lips and letting himself catch his breath for a moment as his forehead presses against Jiang Cheng's and he closes his eyes. He loves Jiang Cheng. He loves him, he loves him, he loves him. He lifts a hand, cups Jiang Cheng's cheek and brushes his thumb across his skin gently. ]
Jiang Cheng...
[ He surges forward, kisses him again. Hot and wet and desperate, he moans softly into his mouth and kisses and kisses and kisses before breaking apart again. ]
Jiang Cheng.
[ His nose drifts across Jiang Cheng's jaw and he presses in, kissing to his throat now, scraping teeth against the sensitive skin and breathing out heavily against him as he kisses and sucks a mark against the pale skin. ]
[ Recovering after the Sunshot campaign, recovering after the destruction of Yunmeng, had been hard. It had been so hard, but Jiang Cheng had done it, because he had no choice. It had seemed impossible, but he would attempt it, because that was his duty. So what if Wei Wuxian embodied the Jiang more than he did? So what if he would never match the expectations his mother had of him?
He has rebuilt his clan from the ground up, and he is proud of that.
There had never been a moment where he could live for himself, rather than for his clan. To choose what he wanted. To support the Wen Clan, who helped save his life. To save Wen Qing, who had refused him and returned his comb. To protect a-Ling from the horrors of the world and find his happiness instead of his grief. To find his own hopes of love and adoration, taken from him because of the bristly nature he holds on to, even now.
Their foreheads brush, his eyes soften, and he breathes out, filled with more emotion than he has permitted himself since he had fled the temple.
Leaning into the touch, he feels anchored. He feels safe. He feels like he is home. ]
Wei Wuxian...
[ Still not his personal name, still not able to do anything except whisper, to smother himself with little huffed breaths as he tilts his head, biting his lip hard and trying to force himself to smother his groans. ]
[ Wei Wuxian has never told Jiang Cheng he is proud of him for the work that he's done. It's something that's slipped his mind, in his struggles as the Yiling Patriarch, in his death, in everything he has gone through. He has never sat down and genuinely told Jiang Cheng that everything he has done, has been admirable, has been worthwhile, has been something that Wei Wuxian knew he had the power to achieve. He should, one day. Perhaps after he is done kissing him.
For now, he pours those emotions into these kisses, these touches. It's like a gnawing, aching hunger inside of him, unable to be fulfilled by anything other than Jiang Cheng's touches. He has missed his brother, so much, so utterly and desperately. He needs to reaffirm to himself that he is real and whole and true.
Jiang Cheng says his name and sure, it's not his personal name, but it still carries all the emotion as if it were. It softens him, makes his heart ache, and he lifts his head to steal another kiss. He needs to keep kissing Jiang Cheng, to keep touching him. He doesn't want to let him go again.
Foreheads against each other again, he opens his eyes to look at Jiang Cheng's own and breathes out heavily. His hand takes Jiang Cheng's wrist between his fingers and he lifts it, presses it to his pounding heart as he looks back so earnestly at his brother. ]
Yours. No one else's.
[ His heart, it belongs to Jiang Cheng and only him. He knows Jiang Cheng has worry in his heart that Wei Wuxian will truly leave him, hide away with the Lan clan and never come home again. It's not true though, it's not, he only wants to be here. As long as he is welcome, he will be here. As long as Jiang Cheng wants him, he will be at his side.
He steals another kiss and into his mouth, he murmurs against his lips, eyes closing and sigh soft — ]
[ No one has ever told Jiang Cheng they were proud of him; not his father, not his mother, not even his sister, not really. Praise had been heaped on Wei Wuxian for his talents, on Jiang Yanli for her perfect, but Jiang Cheng? He was too rude, too crude, too harsh, too weak in comparison. He had never, ever been good enough, never been enough for anyone, and it's a struggle to reconcile that with the man he's become now.
The kisses ground him and drag him out of those thoughts, out of the vile way his mind speaks to him and makes him want to crumble into pieces, demanding that he focus instead on the way that Wei Wuxian is kissing him. If anyone was to walk out to find them now it would be shameful, embarrassing, but he doesn't care, doesn't even think about it, because this is all he wants.
Wei Wuxian is all he wants.
Blinking, cheeks flushed red, lips sore, eyes lidded, Jiang Cheng feels weightless, feels happy. He licks his own lips, the two of them looking at each other, gazing at each other, before he looks away, embarrassed. It's the way he always is, not able to face his own emotions, not able to face the way that his heart is racing inside his chest, thudding so loud he's sure someone can hear it. ]
You... Shut up.
[ A gentle shove against his chest - gentle, because even with a new core, Wei Wuxian is not the strong man he used to be.
Blinking back his tears, his grief, he breathes out softly. ]
[ It feels almost normal, being told to shut up, being told he's an idiot, by Jiang Cheng. It has him smiling, bright, unable to quell the happiness inside of him because Jiang Cheng's words feel like acceptance, like home, like love. He doesn't say it back, doesn't say the words, but Wei Wuxian knows what his brother means and this is all he wants from him. The shove comes, so gentle, and Wei Wuxian just steps in closer instead. ]
I love you. [ He says it again, emboldened. He leans up to kiss Jiang Cheng's forehead, then his cheek, nosing against the skin. ] I love you so much.
[ It's all he wants to say, all he wants Jiang Cheng to know. He has apologies, of course, has regrets that he needs to admit to. But it doesn't matter right now when it comes to this — his love for Jiang Cheng, his need to share it with him and show it to him. He surges forward then, kissing him again with a deep, eager hunger. He licks into his mouth, aggressive in his kiss and pins Jiang Cheng back against the banister.
One of his legs slips between Jiang Cheng's, thigh pressing up against him as the kiss grows more and more heated. One arm wraps around Jiang Cheng's waist, pulls him over his thigh and the other curls fingers against his neck, caressing him gently even as he buries him in such a kiss. He devours Jiang Cheng, all hunger and need, loving in his own way. He wants to hear more of those soft moans, those tiny noises, wants to make Jiang Cheng feel good. ]
[ What a relief it is to be around someone who understands him and knows what he means when he speaks, when he acts, when the words tumble out of his mouth in the wrong order with the wrong tone. A-Ling does an admirable job, having grown up with his uncle’s moods and guidance to teach him how to act, but no one has ever had such depth of understanding. No one except his brother and sister, and only one of them has returned to him.
Wei Wuxian keeps kissing him and Jiang Cheng keeps giving them back, tilting his head and letting his brother guide him and show him what to do. His cheeks are flushed a bright red and he feels pathetic, craving this as much as he is, painfully desperate for any and all affection that he might be given, but… Does it matter? They are alone here, and no one will call in Jiang Cheng when he’s out on the docks.
Only this man will see him like this, like a ship unmoored, like his body might melt into the wooden boards below their feet.
Dragged back to reality by the leg pushing between his own, Jiang Cheng chokes out a noise, shivering. It’s too easy to shift his hips a little, to grind against the solid push of knee between his legs, and it feels so… Exciting. Needy. He can feel hot how he is, how went his cunt already is from just kissing, and the shame wells up in him like an overwhelming smack to the head.
What if - Wei Wuxian doesn’t - what if -
but it doesn’t matter, not when he’s tilting his head back and making the neediest little noise he’s ever made in his life. ]
[ There's a heat building between them now. A desperation. He knows how it feels to touch his brother like this, to consume him, and he wants more of it. Jiang Cheng is flushed and perfect, panting against him as Wei Wuxian breathes just as heavily back. He's kissing him with abandon, needing to shower Jiang Cheng in his affection as much as Jiang Cheng needs the affection in return. It's been too long, far too long, since he was this close to his brother and now that need to be in Jiang Cheng's space, to cling and touch and love upon him has become even more potent with this sexual desire underneath his touch.
It's true, only Wei Wuxian will see Jiang Cheng like this. If someone were to interrupt them right now, Wei Wuxian would not be able to promise his behavior would be kind. No, these noises, this desperation, it only belongs to him.
As Jiang Cheng grinds against him, Wei Wuxian presses his thigh closer. It's a little strange though, he doesn't feel the heavy weight of a bulge but more of a flatness. It doesn't take him completely out of it, not when Jiang Cheng is clearly loving it, not when he tilts his head back and makes such a noise that Wei Wuxian's cock throbs within his robes.
Wei Wuxian presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng's throat, then a bite, grinding his thigh up against Jiang Cheng's groin even harder and starting to rock his own cock against Jiang Cheng's thigh. If they were to be spotted, it would be obvious what they were doing — dry humping against each other in the private dock. But no one's around, no one will bother them.
Breathing out slowly, Wei Wuxian murmurs in Jiang Cheng's ear, with a nip to his earlobe. ]
Can I touch you?
[ He wants to get his hands inside Jiang Cheng's robes, to pleasure him with his fingers. But he wants to make sure Jiang Cheng is okay with that first, before he debauches him. ]
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So, he'll take his place at the table setting set for him, hand reaching out near automatically for the little jug of wine they place on the table for him. He pours himself a cup and takes a sip, the old but familiar taste of hefeng wine on his tongue so suddenly that he nearly chokes. But he drinks it back, coughs softly and glances towards Jiang Cheng.
He... doesn't know what to say. ]
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It's hard to focus on anything like putting food into his mouth or the sting of hunger that he inevitably feels when all he wants to do is question Wei Wuxian and make demands of him, but he forces himself to. He has to have eaten something, or he'll let his emotions get the better of him, as he so often does.
Eventually, heart in his throat, he lifts his head. ]
Was it a difficult journey?
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I was in Gusu. [ Of course he was in Gusu. ] The journey here from there is never too arduous. Little Apple has gotten a lot better about actually taking me places too, so it wasn't difficult getting it to make the trip.
[ He pauses, and there's clear intent to continue on his face before he just opts to take another piece of food into his mouth. ]
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He takes another bite of his rice, he stares at his food, and he tries to find words without snapping and being violent or harsh. ]
Good. I'll make sure he is fed properly.
[ There. He did it. ]
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But was Lotus Pier equally open to him? No, he didn't think so. Yet, now he's starting to wonder if that was his own misconception, if Jiang Cheng wanted him back but did not know how to say. He used to be able to read his brother so well. ]
Thanks.
[ And then he's quiet again, the awkwardness suffocating. God. He wishes it were like before, where he could tease Jiang Cheng, find their harmony with one another. They used to shoot the breeze like nothing, like it was as natural as breathing, and now...? ]
The chicken is good.
[ Ugh, he's useless. ]
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There are few people that he would ever let close enough to understand the depth of his feelings on the matter, on what had happened on that cliff edge. The hours he had spent searching for Wei Wuxian's body, the things that he had done, the way he had saved his flute and cared for it in his grief and his ache.
No one can grasp that. He doesn't think it is possible. And now Lan Wangji gets to be happy?
It makes him furious.
Pushing his bowl away, he raises, hesitating for a moment before he heads to the side door. ]
Come on.
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He just can't conceptualize the idea that Jiang Cheng might have wanted him in his life more than he gave him credit for. While Wei Wuxian might be an exceptionally confident individual, his self-worth is not that great at all and it means sometimes he misses things. Like this.
But Jiang Cheng is standing up, leaving his meal, and Wei Wuxian looks surprised. He takes another bite of chicken first before getting up and following after Jiang Cheng, chewing, chewing, chewing and then following him through the side door. ]
Ah? Is there something Jiang Cheng wants me to see?
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Jiang Cheng might never have been able to call Wei Wuxian his brother with real words, but they’d known what they were. Yanli had been the thing to bind them together when they couldn’t manage it themselves, and he feels the grief of her loss as sourly now as he did when she had been in his arms. There is so much he could blame Wei Wuxian for (and he does, he does, as bitter as it makes him), but he has his own faults too.
Had he not lost his core, Wei Wuxian would not have cultivated as he had. If he had been stronger, bolder, better, overcame it all and been able to attempt the impossible as the Jiang were meant to, maybe they would’ve survived. To know that it’s his martial brother’s core inside him grieves him more than he can say, because it means they’re bonded in a way more than blood.
If only he could admit why he had been so weak. If only he could admit that it was love that failed him, not his sadness, not his parents. Love for his brother and sister.
Pushing through the rooms, Jiang Cheng doesn’t reply. Instead, he leads them out to the private dock, the small stretch of wood that opens into the lotus pond reserved only for the sect leader. Here, he can lose some of that weight, that tension, and when he breathes out he’s not Jiang Wanyin, master of his Sect. He’s only Jiang Cheng, desperately sad and wishing he had the right words to say.
Tears prickle on his face, and he has to rub his sleeve quickly to hide them. ]
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It means that when they get there, Jiang Cheng is not quick enough for Wei Wuxian's eyes to hide his tears. His attention is so fixed on his brother that he can't bring himself to look away, to miss even a moment. So, when he notices Jiang Cheng rubbing his eyes, he is at a loss for a moment. What should he do? Say? Can he say anything? No, there really is nothing for him to say, nothing to make this right.
So, he does something that he hasn't done in years. He hugs Jiang Cheng. The man has his back to him, is hiding his face, but Wei Wuxian doesn't let that deter him. Instead, Jiang Cheng will find arms going around him, one around his shoulder, the other around his waist as he pulls Jiang Cheng in against him and holds him tight. He rests his chin on his shoulder and there's a soft frown on his lips but he doesn't say anything. What is there to say anyway? There's too much sadness here for words. ]
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He hates crying like this. He hates weeping, showing his grief, he loathes how it makes him feel, and the sourness overtakes him before he can do anything to stop it.
When arms wrap around him, Jiang Cheng tenses, not sure what to do. When was the last time he was properly embraced? When was the last time he held anyone, hugged anyone? Anyone other than a-Ling? No one gets close enough, no one wanted to try, to hold him, to comfort him, to do anything - and he breathes out, shaking a little as his arms hang stiffly at his side.
How does he even do this? What can he say?
Instead of holding his brother back, he sinks into him, not able to do much more than tumble into his sadness and hope his brother won't let go again. ]
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He doesn't know what to say, but he doubts Jiang Cheng has the words either. But physical touch comes easy to Wei Wuxian and hugging Jiang Cheng feels like the right thing to do, the best thing to do. As Jiang Cheng sinks into him, Wei Wuxian hugs him harder, tighter, presses his lips to his temple in what he hopes is a comforting kiss and just holds him tightly out here on this dock.
They don't need to say anything, they don't need to do anything, but if he can just have this moment with Jiang Cheng, he knows it'll soothe something broken inside of him. ]
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Now it feels like something so, so different, but he doesn't know how he could sit down and tell anyone else that. Perhaps it's a reason why no one had ever seen fit to take him for husband, had ever seen fit to accept him as a possible match. He could not speak, could not explain his hurts, his sadness, his pains, and no one would ever know the truth of all the things that he had been through.
There's a kiss, then, to his forehead, to his temple, an echo of something that had happened a thousand times before, and Jiang Cheng thinks, he wonders - why.
When he leans back, face damp with tears, their noses brush, and he is stuck in a long moment. Possessed with something - desire, anger, an intense feeling that feels so intrinsically familiar to him, it's like breathing - he leans in, and their lips brush.
It's a kiss, or an echo of one, and he flinches himself immediately after it, as if someone has punched him in the gut. ]
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So, Jiang Cheng flinches and Wei Wuxian holds him tighter, warmer. He rubs his nose against Jiang Cheng's temple and breathes him in. Before, slowly, he lowers his head and presses his lips to Jiang Cheng's. His eyes fall closed and his sigh is soft into Jiang Cheng's mouth, but he slowly coaxes him into a kiss back, tongue softly running against Jiang Cheng's bottom lip as his eyes fall closed and his heart feels full.
Right here, on the quiet of the dock, with just the two of them and an understanding no one else has, he kisses his brother with all the gentleness of a lover. ]
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Barely any. Not really.
When he was younger, there might have been some awkward fumbles, before he realised he was destined for an arranged marriage and couldn't indulge in those kinds of things. He had hoped, when his parents had been alive, that there might have been some promise of a love match, of something akin to his sister and her husband (as trying as that situation had been), but since then...
Since then, he had been alone.
His thoughts had never trailed to this situation with Wei Wuxian, to see his brother so intimately, but it feels natural to do it now, to lean into him and kiss him back, to lift his hands and grip at the front of his shirt, to pull him as close as he can get. Jiang Cheng is violent, even in this, despite his inexperience and his newness, wanting to drown himself in the unfamiliar sensation of another mouth against his own, drawing so many feelings from him that he thinks he might faint. ]
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His kiss is gentle, passionate, and Jiang Cheng's is equally passionate but much more aggressive. He slides his arms around Jiang Cheng's waist, curling fingers into the back of his robes and lets their mouths move together. He can feel the way Jiang Cheng is full of emotion, trembling with it and when they part for breath, he nudges his nose against Jiang Cheng's, voice soft. ]
Slow down.
[ A soft peck, sweet. ]
I'm not going anywhere.
[ And then he's pressing in again, kissing Jiang Cheng with an open mouthed hunger. He takes the lead, licking into Jiang Cheng's mouth and pressing him back, back, back, until his back hits one of the support beams of the dock and Wei Wuxian is able to trap him in against it. His body presses against Jiang Cheng's and his hands grip the banister on either side of Jiang Cheng's body as he kisses and kisses and kisses. ]
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The notion of slowing, of calming, of resisting what is being offered now it is being dangled in front of him feels impossible, and he huffs a little noise, annoyed, frustrated.
I'm not going anywhere.
He's heard that before.
It feels more real now that he's anchored at the moment, arm wrapping around his brother to hold him close as he pushes up into the kiss, surges into it, gripping at whatever part of Wei Wuxian he can reach as he makes a soft noise of pleasure, of excitement, the newness and the thrill flooding him and making him melt. ]
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No, he's had to learn to be alone, so is it really surprising in this moment when Wei Wuxian offers him a lifeline, companionship once again, that he takes it with such ferocity? Wei Wuxian wants him to, wants him to grab onto him and never let go because as much as Jiang Cheng feels like there's no one there for him, Wei Wuxian feels equally adrift. He misses having a home, having someone to love him, feeling like he has a foundation in this world.
Jiang Cheng is his foundation.
The kiss turns rougher, more desperate. Wei Wuxian tilts his head, bites into Jiang Cheng's mouth and licks against him, tongues sliding against each other as breath grows heated and choppy. A hand of his moves to slide over Jiang Cheng's side, curling against his hip and dragging him in against him to press their bodies even more flush. He kisses him, deep and deep and deep. A soft moan into his mouth. He's grateful then for the privacy of this dock because the way he wants to kiss his brother is not for the eyes of anyone else. ]
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He had nothing, when all was said and done. He lost his parents, his sister, his sect, his brother, all ripped away after he had survived a war at such a young age. Having Wei Wuxian come back into his life had been a brutal relief and a stab in the gut at the same time, seeing again that he would pick someone else over his home, his family, his brother. The Wens, the Lans, anyone but Jiang Cheng, anyone but the family that had loved him.
(Just because he understands it doesn't mean it doesn't make him sick).
Their bodies are flush, pressed together, and he has never been so close to another man. It doesn't frighten or alarm him in the way that it might otherwise, knowing who it is that's kissing him, and Jiang Cheng kisses him back all the harder from the nudge of their chests, the power in his body given to him by Wei Wuxian himself, a core that keeps his hopes and dreams alive.
He feels pathetic with it, the way he makes soft noises, the desperation, the utter desire that pools inside him and makes him weak. ]
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But now, his life is his own again and he's able to make his own choices, to decide where he goes next. And where he wants to go next is... nowhere. He wants to stay right here, in Lotus Pier, with his brother. He doesn't want to leave him anymore.
Wei Wuxian breathes out heavily against Jiang Cheng, parting their lips and letting himself catch his breath for a moment as his forehead presses against Jiang Cheng's and he closes his eyes. He loves Jiang Cheng. He loves him, he loves him, he loves him. He lifts a hand, cups Jiang Cheng's cheek and brushes his thumb across his skin gently. ]
Jiang Cheng...
[ He surges forward, kisses him again. Hot and wet and desperate, he moans softly into his mouth and kisses and kisses and kisses before breaking apart again. ]
Jiang Cheng.
[ His nose drifts across Jiang Cheng's jaw and he presses in, kissing to his throat now, scraping teeth against the sensitive skin and breathing out heavily against him as he kisses and sucks a mark against the pale skin. ]
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He has rebuilt his clan from the ground up, and he is proud of that.
There had never been a moment where he could live for himself, rather than for his clan. To choose what he wanted. To support the Wen Clan, who helped save his life. To save Wen Qing, who had refused him and returned his comb. To protect a-Ling from the horrors of the world and find his happiness instead of his grief. To find his own hopes of love and adoration, taken from him because of the bristly nature he holds on to, even now.
Their foreheads brush, his eyes soften, and he breathes out, filled with more emotion than he has permitted himself since he had fled the temple.
Leaning into the touch, he feels anchored. He feels safe. He feels like he is home. ]
Wei Wuxian...
[ Still not his personal name, still not able to do anything except whisper, to smother himself with little huffed breaths as he tilts his head, biting his lip hard and trying to force himself to smother his groans. ]
I - Wei Wuxian...
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For now, he pours those emotions into these kisses, these touches. It's like a gnawing, aching hunger inside of him, unable to be fulfilled by anything other than Jiang Cheng's touches. He has missed his brother, so much, so utterly and desperately. He needs to reaffirm to himself that he is real and whole and true.
Jiang Cheng says his name and sure, it's not his personal name, but it still carries all the emotion as if it were. It softens him, makes his heart ache, and he lifts his head to steal another kiss. He needs to keep kissing Jiang Cheng, to keep touching him. He doesn't want to let him go again.
Foreheads against each other again, he opens his eyes to look at Jiang Cheng's own and breathes out heavily. His hand takes Jiang Cheng's wrist between his fingers and he lifts it, presses it to his pounding heart as he looks back so earnestly at his brother. ]
Yours. No one else's.
[ His heart, it belongs to Jiang Cheng and only him. He knows Jiang Cheng has worry in his heart that Wei Wuxian will truly leave him, hide away with the Lan clan and never come home again. It's not true though, it's not, he only wants to be here. As long as he is welcome, he will be here. As long as Jiang Cheng wants him, he will be at his side.
He steals another kiss and into his mouth, he murmurs against his lips, eyes closing and sigh soft — ]
I love you.
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The kisses ground him and drag him out of those thoughts, out of the vile way his mind speaks to him and makes him want to crumble into pieces, demanding that he focus instead on the way that Wei Wuxian is kissing him. If anyone was to walk out to find them now it would be shameful, embarrassing, but he doesn't care, doesn't even think about it, because this is all he wants.
Wei Wuxian is all he wants.
Blinking, cheeks flushed red, lips sore, eyes lidded, Jiang Cheng feels weightless, feels happy. He licks his own lips, the two of them looking at each other, gazing at each other, before he looks away, embarrassed. It's the way he always is, not able to face his own emotions, not able to face the way that his heart is racing inside his chest, thudding so loud he's sure someone can hear it. ]
You... Shut up.
[ A gentle shove against his chest - gentle, because even with a new core, Wei Wuxian is not the strong man he used to be.
Blinking back his tears, his grief, he breathes out softly. ]
You're an idiot.
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I love you. [ He says it again, emboldened. He leans up to kiss Jiang Cheng's forehead, then his cheek, nosing against the skin. ] I love you so much.
[ It's all he wants to say, all he wants Jiang Cheng to know. He has apologies, of course, has regrets that he needs to admit to. But it doesn't matter right now when it comes to this — his love for Jiang Cheng, his need to share it with him and show it to him. He surges forward then, kissing him again with a deep, eager hunger. He licks into his mouth, aggressive in his kiss and pins Jiang Cheng back against the banister.
One of his legs slips between Jiang Cheng's, thigh pressing up against him as the kiss grows more and more heated. One arm wraps around Jiang Cheng's waist, pulls him over his thigh and the other curls fingers against his neck, caressing him gently even as he buries him in such a kiss. He devours Jiang Cheng, all hunger and need, loving in his own way. He wants to hear more of those soft moans, those tiny noises, wants to make Jiang Cheng feel good. ]
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Wei Wuxian keeps kissing him and Jiang Cheng keeps giving them back, tilting his head and letting his brother guide him and show him what to do. His cheeks are flushed a bright red and he feels pathetic, craving this as much as he is, painfully desperate for any and all affection that he might be given, but… Does it matter? They are alone here, and no one will call in Jiang Cheng when he’s out on the docks.
Only this man will see him like this, like a ship unmoored, like his body might melt into the wooden boards below their feet.
Dragged back to reality by the leg pushing between his own, Jiang Cheng chokes out a noise, shivering. It’s too easy to shift his hips a little, to grind against the solid push of knee between his legs, and it feels so… Exciting. Needy. He can feel hot how he is, how went his cunt already is from just kissing, and the shame wells up in him like an overwhelming smack to the head.
What if - Wei Wuxian doesn’t - what if -
but it doesn’t matter, not when he’s tilting his head back and making the neediest little noise he’s ever made in his life. ]
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It's true, only Wei Wuxian will see Jiang Cheng like this. If someone were to interrupt them right now, Wei Wuxian would not be able to promise his behavior would be kind. No, these noises, this desperation, it only belongs to him.
As Jiang Cheng grinds against him, Wei Wuxian presses his thigh closer. It's a little strange though, he doesn't feel the heavy weight of a bulge but more of a flatness. It doesn't take him completely out of it, not when Jiang Cheng is clearly loving it, not when he tilts his head back and makes such a noise that Wei Wuxian's cock throbs within his robes.
Wei Wuxian presses a kiss to Jiang Cheng's throat, then a bite, grinding his thigh up against Jiang Cheng's groin even harder and starting to rock his own cock against Jiang Cheng's thigh. If they were to be spotted, it would be obvious what they were doing — dry humping against each other in the private dock. But no one's around, no one will bother them.
Breathing out slowly, Wei Wuxian murmurs in Jiang Cheng's ear, with a nip to his earlobe. ]
Can I touch you?
[ He wants to get his hands inside Jiang Cheng's robes, to pleasure him with his fingers. But he wants to make sure Jiang Cheng is okay with that first, before he debauches him. ]
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