ze_uwu_jun: (Default)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-17 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Xichen ducks his head with a smile. ]

I rather thought it would not be a problem.

[ He will not yet say the part that when you find your one person, you no longer need me bound by he rules. Because... ]

I do know I'm not required, Wanyin. I am telling you of my own accord, because I think it will be good for you to know, and because it may help you understand some things about me, and about us.

Or it might not.

[ Xichen does need a fortifying sip of tea before actually beginning, however. ]

My mother was from Caiyi town, and that is where my father met her, on his return item a night hunt. For him. She was that only one. But, to her, he was not. I knew not exactly what happened, but she ended up hurting - killing - some of his teachers. She would have been executed, were it not for my father, the sect leader, marrying her and thus granting her protection.

She was a prisoner. To atone for what he had done, my father was almost constantly in seclusion, forcing my uncle to take care of the sect until the day I succeeded as sect leader.

[ And yet, for all his wife was not into him, he sired two children with her. The implications are not brought to attention, but they still weigh heavy on Xichen's mind. ]

Back then, I promised myself I would not become my father. To make sure of that, I have disallowed myself from looking for that special person.

[ Slowly, he unclenches his tight hold around the teacup lest it shatters. ]

You see, you do not stand in the way of my happiness, for that path, I have locked away for myself long ago.

But you are here, and we are wedded, and we may yet find happiness, or at least contentment. Or we can remain strangers and not try for it.

I will not press either on you. But I need you to know that both paths are open to you.
ze_uwu_jun: (Default)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-17 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Xichen is. Blinking, slowly, at the outburst. The response doesn't add up, not quite. ]

Wanyin, that I've stopped myself from trying to find the one I would choose does not mean that I'd not be loved. Nor finding the one I do would mean that they would love me in return.

And whether or not you can cultivate will make no difference if I were to allow myself to look and find that he person is you, anyway.

[ slow, and careful , and inexorable. Chew on that, husband of his. ]
ze_uwu_jun: (Default)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-17 07:53 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Xichen's breath hitches, at the ease with which that response comes. He knows that many would imply the same, whether for flattery or kind estimation, but Wanyin belongs to neither group. And his statement makes his heart flutter with something that he doesn't quite recognize as hope, as he's held so very little of it for himself, but undeniable all the same. ]

I do not lie. And I disagree that there are better places, better people, to look for it than you.

[ Slowly, letting Wanyin reject it if he wishes, he reaches to him to place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it gently. ]

Misfortunes that befell you have not dimmed the bright fire of your heart, the depths of your loyalty, or, when need calls for it, the clarity of your sight.

There are many reasons for my agreement to this union. Pity had nothing to do with them.
ze_uwu_jun: (Hidden smile)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-18 04:38 am (UTC)(link)
That is not all at all.

[ Gently, still, but firmly, also.

A beat, then.
]

I have no doubt that you will, but it may be more productive if we work a little on what you can be doing your best towards.

I, for one, do not wish you to be doing your best towards becoming someone you're not, only because you think - mistakenly - that the nonexistent person is what my sect, or I, need.
ze_uwu_jun: (Default)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-18 09:18 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Xichen's flinch at the use of his title still is very small, but real. He withdaws his hand much more gracefully.

Though he doesn't withdraw his gaze.
]

Do you think they need an example who is trying to eradicate his personality, then, who is trying to become someone he is not, because he thinks - incorrectly, as it happens - that it is the only way?

Consider, for example, the way the disciples of Gusu Lan sect, who are bound by the same rules. But the way that Wangji follows them differs from the way that my uncle follows them, and both of them differ from the way that I do.

There are many ways to achieve the same goal. And, as someone who is your husband and as someone who cares for you, I do not want you to twist yourself until everything you do hurts, and that pain is very difficult to fix.

Today, it may be restlessness, tiredness, feeling that you do not suffice. Tomorrow, it may hurt you more.

And I wish you to be happy, even if neither of us knows what that is, right now.
ze_uwu_jun: (Headtilt)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-19 06:19 am (UTC)(link)
[ This is what Xichen has been trying to tell him. It's good that is getting through, a little. ]

Ah. Then, perhaps, if you allow me, we can seek a different way together?

[ He's not trying to tell him how, because they both have much to learn - about each other, about their situation now. But finding a way together would make sense, would it not? ]
ze_uwu_jun: (Real smile)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-19 09:06 pm (UTC)(link)
[ The implication lingers in the air for a moment, acknowledged by Xichen lowering his eyes, but then they return to Wanyin, along with a slow, sweet smile that is just for him. ]

I am glad.

If you wish, I'll spend tomorrow, should nothing unexpected arrive, near you during the day, and then we can discuss it? I may have questions, or you might. Knowing and communication seem like a good place to begin.

[ his bright eyes promise, just a little, that what they are beginning might not be limited to what can be done for the sect. ]
ze_uwu_jun: (Ducked head smile)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-20 07:44 pm (UTC)(link)
[ When he was saying earlier that he Wanyin could very well be the one for him, if he were to allow himself to look, he meant moments like this, when Wanyin's flaming cheeks make his eyes all the brighter, and Xichen can feel his chest tighten. ]

I would not dream of keeping you isolated and bored. It would be very unfair. [ Though not strange to the sect. ] You still have considerable skills, and only an outside view of our rules and their actual practice - finding a good fit for you rather something that will exhaust you, day after day after day, will be better, I think.

For all that we strive for peacefulness, there are some who need to have some fire lit in their hearts, rather than dimmed and moderated. It seems like it might be more interesting for you than constantly trying to bank yours.
ze_uwu_jun: (Ducked head smile)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-20 08:07 pm (UTC)(link)
[ And Xichen will do his share in the confidence rebuilding. Sharing some of his own burdens...

Possibly, but only trust has been built up between them, when they understand each other better and how they can be each other's strength. As they are right now, he doesn't know which might be crushingly difficult and which offensively easy.

For now, his mouth quirks up in slightly lopsided grin.
]

Giving you things to do, yes, working you to the bone, I'm far less likely to agree to. Not when I would like us to have some time for ourselves - separately or together, whichever the occasion and our wishes make more preferable.
ze_uwu_jun: (Hidden smile)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-20 08:41 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Xichen blinks, slightly, at being called out, but instead of trying to point out that it's his duty, he can again feel his chest contract, his eyes grow soft. ]

That is... fair enough, and a schedule will be a good thing, actually. Let us go through a day or two together and see how we can build one.
ze_uwu_jun: (Real smile)

[personal profile] ze_uwu_jun 2025-04-27 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
[ Xichen smiles, softly, at the agreement, then accepts the tea...

And, instead of trying to tell Wanyin that he need not thank him for what seems to him basic decency, he turns his brightened eyes to his husband.
]

Thank you, as well. For all I have said - I do not wish to be unhappy, nor do I think I can avoid that if my spouse is miserable. So agreeing to let us work together, to make it possible to find a path to happiness, means much to me.