[ He doesn't reply to that, just lets them both rest instead.
But the next morning, Jiang Cheng will receive a picture. It's the back of Little Apple's head from the position of the rider, clearly indicating that Wei Wuxian is back on the road.
But, when Wei Wuxian approaches the pier, approaches Yunmeng, there are people waiting, some of their disciples watching, greeting him with their bows and a small smile. ]
[ ... This is definitely different than the last time he was in Yunmeng, the hostility no longer present and oppressing. He's left Little Apple in the Jiang Clan stables, traveling the rest of the way by foot to Lotus Pier official.
It's only when he's outside the doors that he becomes frozen and stiff. What's the saying again? The closer you are to home after a long absence, the more nervous you become. He knows he's welcome, that Jiang Cheng said he could come home, that Jiang Cheng wanted him home — but now that he's here, he feels...
A meow nearby startles him as a stray cat slips by, rubbing up against his ankles before taking off without any preamble. Wei Wuxian takes a breath and opens the door, stepping through the gates. He doesn't know where Jiang Cheng is, doesn't know if he'll seek him out first so he just. Starts walking, tentatively reacquainting himself with his old home. ]
The main offices are empty, as Wei Wuxian steps into them, and they remain so for another hour at least. There might be a desire to see his once brother, might have a wish to ensure the safety of his clan, but being the leader of the clan comes first. Jiang Wanyin has a reputation for harshness, for being demanding, for being too like his mother, but that has done his Sect well.
They have grown strong under his care, and he will continue to help them grow. His disciples understand his ways, and fuss over him as much as he fusses over them.
Eventually, he comes back to his offices, looking more tired than perhaps he ought to, but not a hair out of place to show how busy he had been. Servants are bringing in food, and they're savvy enough to bring another plate for Wei Wuxian, as well.
Slowly, eyes flicking to his brother, Jiang Cheng sits. ]
[ When Jiang Cheng finally shows, the burst of relief, of affection in his chest almost floors Wei Wuxian. He didn't know how badly, how desperately, he wanted to see his brother until now. He gives a wane smile to the other man but then the servants are attending to them, laying out a place setting nearby for Wei Wuxian to eat as well. It's only then that his stomach growls and he realizes, he'd been traveling nearly non stop since he got the approval to return home, he hasn't had much in the way of food lately.
So, he'll take his place at the table setting set for him, hand reaching out near automatically for the little jug of wine they place on the table for him. He pours himself a cup and takes a sip, the old but familiar taste of hefeng wine on his tongue so suddenly that he nearly chokes. But he drinks it back, coughs softly and glances towards Jiang Cheng.
It's hard to focus on anything like putting food into his mouth or the sting of hunger that he inevitably feels when all he wants to do is question Wei Wuxian and make demands of him, but he forces himself to. He has to have eaten something, or he'll let his emotions get the better of him, as he so often does.
Eventually, heart in his throat, he lifts his head. ]
[ There are chopsticks in his mouth, a piece of chicken being chewed upon as Jiang Cheng finally breaks the silence and asks him a question. Wei Wuxian makes a hum around the chopsticks before pulling them out, swallowing, and shaking his head. ]
I was in Gusu. [ Of course he was in Gusu. ] The journey here from there is never too arduous. Little Apple has gotten a lot better about actually taking me places too, so it wasn't difficult getting it to make the trip.
[ He pauses, and there's clear intent to continue on his face before he just opts to take another piece of food into his mouth. ]
[ The way that Jiang Cheng scoffs, a quiet sound of Gusu clicking on his tongue, shows how he feels about that particular titbit of information. The notion of Wei Wuxian settling there, of finding his place there, irritates him, even if he had never let his former brother through the gates of Lotus Pier before now. It's that strange discordance inside Jiang Cheng, trying to find some justification for his grief.
He takes another bite of his rice, he stares at his food, and he tries to find words without snapping and being violent or harsh. ]
[ He hears the scoff, the derision at him lingering around Gusu like a stray cat left out in the cold, and for a moment Wei Wuxian doesn't know what to say about that. He didn't know where else to go, Yunmeng wasn't available to him and where else would be? Lanling? Qinghe? No, at least the Lan clan was good to him. If he couldn't afford a night at the inn, Lan Wangji would let him rest in Cloud Recesses instead, always an open door for him.
But was Lotus Pier equally open to him? No, he didn't think so. Yet, now he's starting to wonder if that was his own misconception, if Jiang Cheng wanted him back but did not know how to say. He used to be able to read his brother so well. ]
Thanks.
[ And then he's quiet again, the awkwardness suffocating. God. He wishes it were like before, where he could tease Jiang Cheng, find their harmony with one another. They used to shoot the breeze like nothing, like it was as natural as breathing, and now...? ]
[ Jiang Cheng's loathing for Lan Wangji is paramount and obvious, even now, so many years later. The way that the now Head Cultivator had spoken to him, of him, so often, the derision in his face, as if he had any right to try and judge what had taken place between himself and his brother... It grinds him, makes him furious, makes him want to snap and gnaw and bite like a rapid dog.
There are few people that he would ever let close enough to understand the depth of his feelings on the matter, on what had happened on that cliff edge. The hours he had spent searching for Wei Wuxian's body, the things that he had done, the way he had saved his flute and cared for it in his grief and his ache.
No one can grasp that. He doesn't think it is possible. And now Lan Wangji gets to be happy?
It makes him furious.
Pushing his bowl away, he raises, hesitating for a moment before he heads to the side door. ]
[ It might be something that Wei Wuxian never understands, not really. He used to be so good at reading Jiang Cheng, understanding where he was coming from and why he was doing it. But somewhere along the way their paths diverged and he ended up standing side by side with Lan Wangji instead. A strange thing. So now, Jiang Cheng's loathing of the other man is obvious to Wei Wuxian but the reasons for it are more murky.
He just can't conceptualize the idea that Jiang Cheng might have wanted him in his life more than he gave him credit for. While Wei Wuxian might be an exceptionally confident individual, his self-worth is not that great at all and it means sometimes he misses things. Like this.
But Jiang Cheng is standing up, leaving his meal, and Wei Wuxian looks surprised. He takes another bite of chicken first before getting up and following after Jiang Cheng, chewing, chewing, chewing and then following him through the side door. ]
Ah? Is there something Jiang Cheng wants me to see?
[ Time and choice had destroyed what the two of them shared in their youth.
Jiang Cheng might never have been able to call Wei Wuxian his brother with real words, but they’d known what they were. Yanli had been the thing to bind them together when they couldn’t manage it themselves, and he feels the grief of her loss as sourly now as he did when she had been in his arms. There is so much he could blame Wei Wuxian for (and he does, he does, as bitter as it makes him), but he has his own faults too.
Had he not lost his core, Wei Wuxian would not have cultivated as he had. If he had been stronger, bolder, better, overcame it all and been able to attempt the impossible as the Jiang were meant to, maybe they would’ve survived. To know that it’s his martial brother’s core inside him grieves him more than he can say, because it means they’re bonded in a way more than blood.
If only he could admit why he had been so weak. If only he could admit that it was love that failed him, not his sadness, not his parents. Love for his brother and sister.
Pushing through the rooms, Jiang Cheng doesn’t reply. Instead, he leads them out to the private dock, the small stretch of wood that opens into the lotus pond reserved only for the sect leader. Here, he can lose some of that weight, that tension, and when he breathes out he’s not Jiang Wanyin, master of his Sect. He’s only Jiang Cheng, desperately sad and wishing he had the right words to say.
Tears prickle on his face, and he has to rub his sleeve quickly to hide them. ]
[ Wei Wuxian doesn't get an answer and he's not sure if he should be disappointed or not. Instead, he follows, eyes watching Jiang Cheng and following the ever so familiar route to the private dock. Even after years, things have not changed too drastically in Lotus Pier that he could not remember this.
It means that when they get there, Jiang Cheng is not quick enough for Wei Wuxian's eyes to hide his tears. His attention is so fixed on his brother that he can't bring himself to look away, to miss even a moment. So, when he notices Jiang Cheng rubbing his eyes, he is at a loss for a moment. What should he do? Say? Can he say anything? No, there really is nothing for him to say, nothing to make this right.
So, he does something that he hasn't done in years. He hugs Jiang Cheng. The man has his back to him, is hiding his face, but Wei Wuxian doesn't let that deter him. Instead, Jiang Cheng will find arms going around him, one around his shoulder, the other around his waist as he pulls Jiang Cheng in against him and holds him tight. He rests his chin on his shoulder and there's a soft frown on his lips but he doesn't say anything. What is there to say anyway? There's too much sadness here for words. ]
[ This is not the kind of thing that Jiang Cheng is capable of handling, not particularly well; he was never raised in a way that made himself capable to share what he is thinking or feeling. It comes out harshly, brashly, dangerously, a snap of his tongue before he can stop himself from saying something too cruel or harsh. It has been too long since there had been anyone capable of understanding him - since his sister had died, since his brother had died.
He hates crying like this. He hates weeping, showing his grief, he loathes how it makes him feel, and the sourness overtakes him before he can do anything to stop it.
When arms wrap around him, Jiang Cheng tenses, not sure what to do. When was the last time he was properly embraced? When was the last time he held anyone, hugged anyone? Anyone other than a-Ling? No one gets close enough, no one wanted to try, to hold him, to comfort him, to do anything - and he breathes out, shaking a little as his arms hang stiffly at his side.
How does he even do this? What can he say?
Instead of holding his brother back, he sinks into him, not able to do much more than tumble into his sadness and hope his brother won't let go again. ]
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come on, this isn't new information, jiang cheng
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But the next morning, Jiang Cheng will receive a picture. It's the back of Little Apple's head from the position of the rider, clearly indicating that Wei Wuxian is back on the road.
He is coming home. ]
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Seeing is believing.
But, when Wei Wuxian approaches the pier, approaches Yunmeng, there are people waiting, some of their disciples watching, greeting him with their bows and a small smile. ]
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It's only when he's outside the doors that he becomes frozen and stiff. What's the saying again? The closer you are to home after a long absence, the more nervous you become. He knows he's welcome, that Jiang Cheng said he could come home, that Jiang Cheng wanted him home — but now that he's here, he feels...
A meow nearby startles him as a stray cat slips by, rubbing up against his ankles before taking off without any preamble. Wei Wuxian takes a breath and opens the door, stepping through the gates. He doesn't know where Jiang Cheng is, doesn't know if he'll seek him out first so he just. Starts walking, tentatively reacquainting himself with his old home. ]
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The main offices are empty, as Wei Wuxian steps into them, and they remain so for another hour at least. There might be a desire to see his once brother, might have a wish to ensure the safety of his clan, but being the leader of the clan comes first. Jiang Wanyin has a reputation for harshness, for being demanding, for being too like his mother, but that has done his Sect well.
They have grown strong under his care, and he will continue to help them grow. His disciples understand his ways, and fuss over him as much as he fusses over them.
Eventually, he comes back to his offices, looking more tired than perhaps he ought to, but not a hair out of place to show how busy he had been. Servants are bringing in food, and they're savvy enough to bring another plate for Wei Wuxian, as well.
Slowly, eyes flicking to his brother, Jiang Cheng sits. ]
Hurry.
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So, he'll take his place at the table setting set for him, hand reaching out near automatically for the little jug of wine they place on the table for him. He pours himself a cup and takes a sip, the old but familiar taste of hefeng wine on his tongue so suddenly that he nearly chokes. But he drinks it back, coughs softly and glances towards Jiang Cheng.
He... doesn't know what to say. ]
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It's hard to focus on anything like putting food into his mouth or the sting of hunger that he inevitably feels when all he wants to do is question Wei Wuxian and make demands of him, but he forces himself to. He has to have eaten something, or he'll let his emotions get the better of him, as he so often does.
Eventually, heart in his throat, he lifts his head. ]
Was it a difficult journey?
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I was in Gusu. [ Of course he was in Gusu. ] The journey here from there is never too arduous. Little Apple has gotten a lot better about actually taking me places too, so it wasn't difficult getting it to make the trip.
[ He pauses, and there's clear intent to continue on his face before he just opts to take another piece of food into his mouth. ]
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He takes another bite of his rice, he stares at his food, and he tries to find words without snapping and being violent or harsh. ]
Good. I'll make sure he is fed properly.
[ There. He did it. ]
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But was Lotus Pier equally open to him? No, he didn't think so. Yet, now he's starting to wonder if that was his own misconception, if Jiang Cheng wanted him back but did not know how to say. He used to be able to read his brother so well. ]
Thanks.
[ And then he's quiet again, the awkwardness suffocating. God. He wishes it were like before, where he could tease Jiang Cheng, find their harmony with one another. They used to shoot the breeze like nothing, like it was as natural as breathing, and now...? ]
The chicken is good.
[ Ugh, he's useless. ]
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There are few people that he would ever let close enough to understand the depth of his feelings on the matter, on what had happened on that cliff edge. The hours he had spent searching for Wei Wuxian's body, the things that he had done, the way he had saved his flute and cared for it in his grief and his ache.
No one can grasp that. He doesn't think it is possible. And now Lan Wangji gets to be happy?
It makes him furious.
Pushing his bowl away, he raises, hesitating for a moment before he heads to the side door. ]
Come on.
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He just can't conceptualize the idea that Jiang Cheng might have wanted him in his life more than he gave him credit for. While Wei Wuxian might be an exceptionally confident individual, his self-worth is not that great at all and it means sometimes he misses things. Like this.
But Jiang Cheng is standing up, leaving his meal, and Wei Wuxian looks surprised. He takes another bite of chicken first before getting up and following after Jiang Cheng, chewing, chewing, chewing and then following him through the side door. ]
Ah? Is there something Jiang Cheng wants me to see?
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Jiang Cheng might never have been able to call Wei Wuxian his brother with real words, but they’d known what they were. Yanli had been the thing to bind them together when they couldn’t manage it themselves, and he feels the grief of her loss as sourly now as he did when she had been in his arms. There is so much he could blame Wei Wuxian for (and he does, he does, as bitter as it makes him), but he has his own faults too.
Had he not lost his core, Wei Wuxian would not have cultivated as he had. If he had been stronger, bolder, better, overcame it all and been able to attempt the impossible as the Jiang were meant to, maybe they would’ve survived. To know that it’s his martial brother’s core inside him grieves him more than he can say, because it means they’re bonded in a way more than blood.
If only he could admit why he had been so weak. If only he could admit that it was love that failed him, not his sadness, not his parents. Love for his brother and sister.
Pushing through the rooms, Jiang Cheng doesn’t reply. Instead, he leads them out to the private dock, the small stretch of wood that opens into the lotus pond reserved only for the sect leader. Here, he can lose some of that weight, that tension, and when he breathes out he’s not Jiang Wanyin, master of his Sect. He’s only Jiang Cheng, desperately sad and wishing he had the right words to say.
Tears prickle on his face, and he has to rub his sleeve quickly to hide them. ]
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It means that when they get there, Jiang Cheng is not quick enough for Wei Wuxian's eyes to hide his tears. His attention is so fixed on his brother that he can't bring himself to look away, to miss even a moment. So, when he notices Jiang Cheng rubbing his eyes, he is at a loss for a moment. What should he do? Say? Can he say anything? No, there really is nothing for him to say, nothing to make this right.
So, he does something that he hasn't done in years. He hugs Jiang Cheng. The man has his back to him, is hiding his face, but Wei Wuxian doesn't let that deter him. Instead, Jiang Cheng will find arms going around him, one around his shoulder, the other around his waist as he pulls Jiang Cheng in against him and holds him tight. He rests his chin on his shoulder and there's a soft frown on his lips but he doesn't say anything. What is there to say anyway? There's too much sadness here for words. ]
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He hates crying like this. He hates weeping, showing his grief, he loathes how it makes him feel, and the sourness overtakes him before he can do anything to stop it.
When arms wrap around him, Jiang Cheng tenses, not sure what to do. When was the last time he was properly embraced? When was the last time he held anyone, hugged anyone? Anyone other than a-Ling? No one gets close enough, no one wanted to try, to hold him, to comfort him, to do anything - and he breathes out, shaking a little as his arms hang stiffly at his side.
How does he even do this? What can he say?
Instead of holding his brother back, he sinks into him, not able to do much more than tumble into his sadness and hope his brother won't let go again. ]
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