[ If he doesn't have any more connections beyond his family, he can't fail them again. If he stays in Gusu and isolates, no one will hurt him again. If ... ]
You’re still a brother, aren’t you? An uncle? A friend? Have all those things stopped mattering?
[ Maybe he’s being a little harsh, but it’s not as if he had time for grief when he became Sect Leader. He’d had to force himself through it, so maybe he’s a touch bitter. ]
Bad things happened, but that doesn’t mean everything is over.
[ He doesn't rise to meet the same level of anger, doesn't take offense at the harsh words. Jiang Cheng cares when he is like this, Xichen has seen the way he reacts with Wei Wuxian; it is nice to know he feels strongly about this too, small and unimportant though the matter of Xichen's seclusion is. ]
[ Xichen frowns, sitting straighter. He was bored and lonely, but he also liked the idea of seeing Jiang Cheng so much. Should he not have invited him? ]
[ Words stick in his throat as irrational panic leaps up, stifling them. He swallows, shaking his head at the accusations, and feels an uncomfortable tightness in his chest. ]
You do not have to see me even if you still wish to stay, the invitation stands. It is not necessary to ...
If I have been selfish for wanting to see Jiang-zongzhu again, I apologise.
Don’t be such an idiot. Of course I wanted to see you, or I wouldn’t have come.
[ It’s probably good they don’t have company, because if Lan Wangji caught wind of him calling his brother an idiot to his face it wouldn’t end well for either of them. ]
What’s the point of causing yourself this kind of misery? Haven’t you had enough of that?
Do you think it will ever end if you sit in here like this?
[ The pieces are coming together now. An unending misery… Jiang Cheng knows who to fault for this particular thing, and it makes him all the more annoyed. ]
Arguably, I have suffered the least of anyone. I have my family, my home was rebuilt, and I have good friends to tell me when I am being unreasonable.
[ The latter statement comes with a wry, small smile. A-Yao may as well have take a scythe and gutted Xichen, after using and manipulating him for years, taking him for a fool. Making him care. Still, Jiang Cheng doesn't think him a totally useless fool incapable of seeing through lies and protecting his loved ones (which he was). ]
Even a used rag can still clean a small spot, if it doesn't reach too far.
[ Jiang Cheng’s laugh is a little hoarse this time.
The idea of Xichen being anything like that is… Baffling to him. He’s a Sect Leader that Jiang Cheng has looked up to for many years, and what Jin Guangyao has done to him has torn him to shreds. He shakes his head, trying to muzzle his ire even a little, but it’s difficult. ]
Mn. [ The similarities between brothers is more apparent the quieter Xichen gets, though he still wears a soft smile. ] It is. I know it is. My good friend Jiang-zongzhu speaks the truth, as I hope he always will.
But I still ...
[ His lips part as he tries to explain, eyes lowering to where his fingers have tightened in the sleeves of his robes to consciously relax them. With a sigh, Xichen looks askance to a window decorated in cranes, and he does long to be better again. Outside these walls, safe though they are because he can control everything within them. ]
I would like to see Lotus Pier in the summer very much.
I’m not a liar. That’s one thing no one can claim me to be.
[ Not these days, at least, even if he might dance around some topics. Wei Wuxian is the most paramount of those topics, something he will grit his teeth over until the end of his days, however long that might be.
Shaking his head, he glares at the wall, trying to redirect his ire just a little. ]
Then come and see it. Are you going to refuse an invitation from me?
[ His gaze flicks back up, holding Jiang Cheng's. Xichen's former student has become a strong-minded, kind man, the kind of Sect Leader any clan would be proud to have. His respect for how hard Jiang Cheng fights for fairness and transparency has Xichen already feeling hopeful about visiting Yunmeng to see him, because if he could know his friend was nearby ... that isn't so scary a notion. Not like metaphorically stepping into the darkness to be grabbed at by unsavoury hands; there would be clarity.
His frown eases, lips pressing into an amused line for a moment as he debates what he next says and whether it's too forward. ]
I think the only person I could not refuse an invitation from is Wanyin.
[ He waits (a little nervously, inwardly) patiently to see the reaction his soft address prompts, wanting to hear Xichen back. ]
[ The change in address is notable, and for a moment he's a little embarrassed, if only because he's quite sure he doesn't deserve the familiarity after how strict and... Mean he has been, but perhaps they're words that Lan Xichen needed to hear. He doubts anyone in Gusu Lan is going to be quite as brusque towards him, given his status.
This may be something only another follow sect leader can offer. ]
You should consider this a formal invitation, Xichen. Yunmeng would be glad to host you.
[ Outwardly he can wear his normal clothes, yet inside he fears he will crumble. At least in Lotus Pier he can stay aside from strangers as an honoured guest ... and the students might love the opportunity to return. They would flock him like ducklings if he needed to go anywhere public, that's for certain.
It could work. ]
What would we do there, if it's to be a social visit?
[ It seems a simple solution for Jiang Cheng. If Lan Xichen needs to tuck himself away for a while to adjust then he can stay in the main household for a while, as long as he doesn't mind Jiang Cheng having to leave to carry out his duties. The idea of all the work waiting for him when he gets home is... Disquieting.
He finally goes back to his food, completely ignoring the usual measure of silence while eating, because he isn't a Lan and he has a lot to say. ]
We can look at the river, of course, and see how the lotus are growing, and visit the markets to see what is being sold and if the merchants need anything from the Clan to help support them.
[ Going on the river and seeing the lotus forests there sounds like fun, a secluded little adventure. It's all very kind of Jiang Cheng. ]
Wanyin, I feel conscious of my own selfishness in wanting your company without leaving the comfort of my own home. It was thoughtless of me and an inconvenience to you, as much as the invitation is genuine. As a result, please feel free to ask me whatever you wish and I will be honest in all my replies. If I can assist in anything, whether for Yunmeng or otherwise, I will do my best.
[ If his bones could align and make him feel more like himself while trying to be a good friend, he does. ]
[ It's one of the best things about Yunmeng, and he'd do whatever it took to make his home sound good. He loves it, more than almost anything in the world, and he's proud of how far they've come since the war. ]
Huh?
[ Jiang Cheng shakes his head, waving a hand just a little, dismissive. ]
Sometimes we need someone to tell us we're being stupid before we can figure it out ourselves, Xichen. It doesn't mean you owe me anything now.
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[ Jiang Cheng scoffs, putting his bowl down. ]
That’s wrong.
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[ If he doesn't have any more connections beyond his family, he can't fail them again. If he stays in Gusu and isolates, no one will hurt him again. If ... ]
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[ Maybe he’s being a little harsh, but it’s not as if he had time for grief when he became Sect Leader. He’d had to force himself through it, so maybe he’s a touch bitter. ]
Bad things happened, but that doesn’t mean everything is over.
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I can be all those things in Gusu.
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[ He shakes his head, crossing his arms, all bluster and frustration. ]
Must Jiang of Yunmeng bend to please you? Must a-Ling have his marriage here so that you might attend? Has the world become so meaningless to you now?
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[ The ceramic of his teacup taps the table lightly where he sets it down, drawing his hands into his sleeves when reiterating. Clarifying, quietly. ]
It is not that I don't wish to.
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[ His scowl deepens further. ]
This visit was no kindness. You were bored and lonely and I was the best available option.
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That was not what ...
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[ Not that Jiang Cheng goes out of his way to avoid being offended most days, but… ]
How do you expect me to feel?
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You do not have to see me even if you still wish to stay, the invitation stands. It is not necessary to ...
If I have been selfish for wanting to see Jiang-zongzhu again, I apologise.
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[ It’s probably good they don’t have company, because if Lan Wangji caught wind of him calling his brother an idiot to his face it wouldn’t end well for either of them. ]
What’s the point of causing yourself this kind of misery? Haven’t you had enough of that?
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[ The misery in his chest that binds his organs to one place and won't let him leave, vibrating them in panic when he considers it? ]
When did it end?
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[ The pieces are coming together now. An unending misery… Jiang Cheng knows who to fault for this particular thing, and it makes him all the more annoyed. ]
You don’t deserve this kind of punishment.
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[ The latter statement comes with a wry, small smile. A-Yao may as well have take a scythe and gutted Xichen, after using and manipulating him for years, taking him for a fool. Making him care. Still, Jiang Cheng doesn't think him a totally useless fool incapable of seeing through lies and protecting his loved ones (which he was). ]
Even a used rag can still clean a small spot, if it doesn't reach too far.
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[ Jiang Cheng’s laugh is a little hoarse this time.
The idea of Xichen being anything like that is… Baffling to him. He’s a Sect Leader that Jiang Cheng has looked up to for many years, and what Jin Guangyao has done to him has torn him to shreds. He shakes his head, trying to muzzle his ire even a little, but it’s difficult. ]
That’s stupid. Plain stupid, Lan Xichen.
[ Perhaps too difficult. ]
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But I still ...
[ His lips part as he tries to explain, eyes lowering to where his fingers have tightened in the sleeves of his robes to consciously relax them. With a sigh, Xichen looks askance to a window decorated in cranes, and he does long to be better again. Outside these walls, safe though they are because he can control everything within them. ]
I would like to see Lotus Pier in the summer very much.
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[ Not these days, at least, even if he might dance around some topics. Wei Wuxian is the most paramount of those topics, something he will grit his teeth over until the end of his days, however long that might be.
Shaking his head, he glares at the wall, trying to redirect his ire just a little. ]
Then come and see it. Are you going to refuse an invitation from me?
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[ His gaze flicks back up, holding Jiang Cheng's. Xichen's former student has become a strong-minded, kind man, the kind of Sect Leader any clan would be proud to have. His respect for how hard Jiang Cheng fights for fairness and transparency has Xichen already feeling hopeful about visiting Yunmeng to see him, because if he could know his friend was nearby ... that isn't so scary a notion. Not like metaphorically stepping into the darkness to be grabbed at by unsavoury hands; there would be clarity.
His frown eases, lips pressing into an amused line for a moment as he debates what he next says and whether it's too forward. ]
I think the only person I could not refuse an invitation from is Wanyin.
[ He waits (a little nervously, inwardly) patiently to see the reaction his soft address prompts, wanting to hear Xichen back. ]
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[ The change in address is notable, and for a moment he's a little embarrassed, if only because he's quite sure he doesn't deserve the familiarity after how strict and... Mean he has been, but perhaps they're words that Lan Xichen needed to hear. He doubts anyone in Gusu Lan is going to be quite as brusque towards him, given his status.
This may be something only another follow sect leader can offer. ]
You should consider this a formal invitation, Xichen. Yunmeng would be glad to host you.
[ Yes, now he's embarrassed. ]
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I shall endeavour to be more presentable by then.
[ Outwardly he can wear his normal clothes, yet inside he fears he will crumble. At least in Lotus Pier he can stay aside from strangers as an honoured guest ... and the students might love the opportunity to return. They would flock him like ducklings if he needed to go anywhere public, that's for certain.
It could work. ]
What would we do there, if it's to be a social visit?
no subject
[ It seems a simple solution for Jiang Cheng. If Lan Xichen needs to tuck himself away for a while to adjust then he can stay in the main household for a while, as long as he doesn't mind Jiang Cheng having to leave to carry out his duties. The idea of all the work waiting for him when he gets home is... Disquieting.
He finally goes back to his food, completely ignoring the usual measure of silence while eating, because he isn't a Lan and he has a lot to say. ]
We can look at the river, of course, and see how the lotus are growing, and visit the markets to see what is being sold and if the merchants need anything from the Clan to help support them.
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Wanyin, I feel conscious of my own selfishness in wanting your company without leaving the comfort of my own home. It was thoughtless of me and an inconvenience to you, as much as the invitation is genuine. As a result, please feel free to ask me whatever you wish and I will be honest in all my replies. If I can assist in anything, whether for Yunmeng or otherwise, I will do my best.
[ If his bones could align and make him feel more like himself while trying to be a good friend, he does. ]
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Huh?
[ Jiang Cheng shakes his head, waving a hand just a little, dismissive. ]
Sometimes we need someone to tell us we're being stupid before we can figure it out ourselves, Xichen. It doesn't mean you owe me anything now.
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[ And Xichen is overly fond of Jiang Cheng tonight, tilting his head as if to chide him for being too nice. ]
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[ And he's getting weirdly flustered. ]
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