prompts / continuations.

[fennu]

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[fennu]

My… Experience of a marriage has not made that kind of thing an expectation.

[ You saw his parents, Lan Xichen. ]

Someone who would be happy to be my wife would be fine, better if she could tolerate my voice, and the same on the opposite.

[lanclan]

[ He sighs under his breath, feeling oddly sad for his friend. Intensely so, even, much as he keeps a lid on that emotion and channels his determination to rouse up some hope in Jiang Cheng into the pink of his own ears. ]

You have a good voice, it is not to be merely tolerated. I have sat in silence for near days, [ also sad but focus on his point, ] and now I am noticing how much I like the light of the lamps when they are lit and the taste of food again, because Jiang-zongzhu is here talking with me.

[fennu]

[ Well, that’s something that’s worth embarrassment, and he stops partway through eating to huff a nervous, embarrassed little laugh, shaking his head. ]

After days of isolation I think any company would suit, not just mine. But thank you.

[ His mouth twitches into a smile. ]

I cannot fault the company myself, though I might be falling into repetition.

[lanclan]

[ He is flattered, but! ]

I would not like any partner chosen for you who did not welcome the sound of your voice.

[ He is going to be honest and gripe about that, softly so as he forces himself to sip his tea and be humbled by the fact it's none of his business. It is as much sternness as he has shown so far, though it is not truly angry and more frustrated. ]

You could come to Cloud Recesses and talk all day long here in the library, while I mend books.

[fennu]

I think I’d like that better than the games.

[ The ones the matchmakers do, he thinks, shaking his head. Marriage seems such an uncomfortable and foreign concept for him, one that hasn’t ever held a lot of appeal. Having seen what a poor marriage was like… He doesn’t want that.

Leaning back, he tries to offer a smile. ]

Perhaps one day you might find some joy in Yunmeng, too.

[lanclan]

[ Go to Yunmeng? The very idea makes him smile, genuinely charmed by the idea, but that same smile slowly wilts as he stares at his tea. ]

I cannot leave Gusu.

[ He cannot leave the Hanshi often, let alone Cloud Recesses. ]

[fennu]

For the rest of your life?

[ That sounds… Miserable, and Jiang Cheng is immediately against the idea, but this isn’t his sect. He can’t exactly make demands or criticise what other people do. ]

Yunmeng is not going anywhere.

[lanclan]

[ After a pause where he collects what bravery he has left, he looks up fondly and nods. If he looks confident, no one will question him. ]

I am only needed to be Sect Leader. I can do that from here.

[fennu]

Who said you’re only needed as sect leader, huh?

[ Jiang Cheng scoffs, putting his bowl down. ]

That’s wrong.

[lanclan]

I fail to see how.

[ If he doesn't have any more connections beyond his family, he can't fail them again. If he stays in Gusu and isolates, no one will hurt him again. If ... ]

[fennu]

You’re still a brother, aren’t you? An uncle? A friend? Have all those things stopped mattering?

[ Maybe he’s being a little harsh, but it’s not as if he had time for grief when he became Sect Leader. He’d had to force himself through it, so maybe he’s a touch bitter. ]

Bad things happened, but that doesn’t mean everything is over.

[lanclan]

[ He doesn't rise to meet the same level of anger, doesn't take offense at the harsh words. Jiang Cheng cares when he is like this, Xichen has seen the way he reacts with Wei Wuxian; it is nice to know he feels strongly about this too, small and unimportant though the matter of Xichen's seclusion is. ]

I can be all those things in Gusu.

[fennu]

And what if someone outside of Gusu is ill? Or dying? Or getting married?

[ He shakes his head, crossing his arms, all bluster and frustration. ]

Must Jiang of Yunmeng bend to please you? Must a-Ling have his marriage here so that you might attend? Has the world become so meaningless to you now?

[lanclan]

I cannot leave Gusu.

[ The ceramic of his teacup taps the table lightly where he sets it down, drawing his hands into his sleeves when reiterating. Clarifying, quietly. ]

It is not that I don't wish to.

[fennu]

You cannot because you have chosen to. Aren’t you the Sect Leader?

[ His scowl deepens further. ]

This visit was no kindness. You were bored and lonely and I was the best available option.

[lanclan]

[ Xichen frowns, sitting straighter. He was bored and lonely, but he also liked the idea of seeing Jiang Cheng so much. Should he not have invited him? ]

That was not what ...

[fennu]

Isn’t that how it sounds?

[ Not that Jiang Cheng goes out of his way to avoid being offended most days, but… ]

How do you expect me to feel?

[lanclan]

[ Words stick in his throat as irrational panic leaps up, stifling them. He swallows, shaking his head at the accusations, and feels an uncomfortable tightness in his chest. ]

You do not have to see me even if you still wish to stay, the invitation stands. It is not necessary to ...

If I have been selfish for wanting to see Jiang-zongzhu again, I apologise.

[fennu]

Don’t be such an idiot. Of course I wanted to see you, or I wouldn’t have come.

[ It’s probably good they don’t have company, because if Lan Wangji caught wind of him calling his brother an idiot to his face it wouldn’t end well for either of them. ]

What’s the point of causing yourself this kind of misery? Haven’t you had enough of that?

[lanclan]

Causing it?

[ The misery in his chest that binds his organs to one place and won't let him leave, vibrating them in panic when he considers it? ]

When did it end?

[fennu]

Do you think it will ever end if you sit in here like this?

[ The pieces are coming together now. An unending misery… Jiang Cheng knows who to fault for this particular thing, and it makes him all the more annoyed. ]

You don’t deserve this kind of punishment.

[lanclan]

Arguably, I have suffered the least of anyone. I have my family, my home was rebuilt, and I have good friends to tell me when I am being unreasonable.

[ The latter statement comes with a wry, small smile. A-Yao may as well have take a scythe and gutted Xichen, after using and manipulating him for years, taking him for a fool. Making him care. Still, Jiang Cheng doesn't think him a totally useless fool incapable of seeing through lies and protecting his loved ones (which he was). ]

Even a used rag can still clean a small spot, if it doesn't reach too far.

[fennu]

That’s what you are, is it? A used rag?

[ Jiang Cheng’s laugh is a little hoarse this time.

The idea of Xichen being anything like that is… Baffling to him. He’s a Sect Leader that Jiang Cheng has looked up to for many years, and what Jin Guangyao has done to him has torn him to shreds. He shakes his head, trying to muzzle his ire even a little, but it’s difficult. ]

That’s stupid. Plain stupid, Lan Xichen.

[ Perhaps too difficult. ]

[lanclan]

Mn. [ The similarities between brothers is more apparent the quieter Xichen gets, though he still wears a soft smile. ] It is. I know it is. My good friend Jiang-zongzhu speaks the truth, as I hope he always will.

But I still ...

[ His lips part as he tries to explain, eyes lowering to where his fingers have tightened in the sleeves of his robes to consciously relax them. With a sigh, Xichen looks askance to a window decorated in cranes, and he does long to be better again. Outside these walls, safe though they are because he can control everything within them. ]

I would like to see Lotus Pier in the summer very much.

[fennu]

I’m not a liar. That’s one thing no one can claim me to be.

[ Not these days, at least, even if he might dance around some topics. Wei Wuxian is the most paramount of those topics, something he will grit his teeth over until the end of his days, however long that might be.

Shaking his head, he glares at the wall, trying to redirect his ire just a little. ]

Then come and see it. Are you going to refuse an invitation from me?